Letting Go Of Painful Past

I think, I have other posts on the subject. Yet, this morning, this painful memory from so many years ago re-surfaced, and I handled it like a pro :) this time.

In classical psychiatry and wholistic approach, a look into the past may help understand why people are the way they are, and may help them release past negative experiences and change.

I want to share my childhood sad memories, which I have carried in me until now - and that's a very long time...

Maybe, I did not let go of the fear I experienced at the early childhood facility of the young ladies who abused their authority towards children. I told my mom then about it, but she did not believe me.

This is what happened.

One day, they lined us up in the lower floor and told us that they were going to put us strip naked in the windows for bad behavior. I was horrified and went behind bigger kids. Then, they grabbed one little boy, but he screamed at the highest pitch right in their ears. They had to let him go... I should cry about it now...

Then, I remember a boy chasing after a girl under the sleeping beds and taking her underwear off. So wild and unsupervised! Unreal... and that was a governmentally run facility.

My mom had to go to another city for a few days to pass exams at a university, leaving me in an overnight children's place when I was very young. That was confusing too, because I then couldn’t recognize my mom and did not know where my home was. And I had other bad experiences, being lied to by doctors and hurt. Poor baby...

I also remember not getting hugs and encouraging words from my parents, even though they loved and cared about me. Their doctor told them not to hug me when I was awake...

My parents worked typical 9 to 5 jobs, though they spent every vacation with us, which was great. So during the day, it was my brother and I, two wild kids. That part was good :) and I preferred a company of boys, because they did not talk behind my back.

For me, staying home and raising my son was not ever a question. I loved him more than anything else in the world before he was even born, and was ready to sacrifice my life in a second for his life. In fact, I told doctors to cut me live during labor when their incompetent nurse misplaced her baby heart monitor and they could not hear my son's heartbeat.

Before I put my son into a public children's school (Pre K), I made sure it was nurturing and safe, and he was ready. I ended up buying a little toy car game for him every day for about a week, until he got used to the new environment. 🙂

I feel, because of my staying home, my son grew up as a loving person from an early age.

As my good friend, Cheryl taught me, I let my painful past memories pass through me today, without rejecting and locking them back in.

I jumped on a trampoline this morning, happily turning and twisting, and going on my butt and jumping up, opening my mouth from all the excitement 🙂

I feel renewed!